⚡And I would walk 500 Miles to the Enchanted Forest ⚡
Let me preface this post by saying that I am writing this from the least enchanted place ever, a miserable office where people act like Maleficent with a diploma in Business Misadministration, and where the seven dwarves have been replaced by the seven wolves.
Only a few days back, I was in the throes of an epic Scottish road trip which saw me travelling from rainy London to sunny Scotland (you read that right) and back to frozen England (let shorts goooo, let shorts gooooooooooo … please?).
Well, my dear friend Lady Apotheca from www.ladyapotheca.com has relocated her lovely self all the way up to the Land of haggis and Ewan McGregor, and I was overdue a visit. On top of that, she found an event which looked absolutely amazing for us to take our #paganista asses to (totally trademarking this new hashtag): the Enchanted Forest of Pitlochry.
The London to Scotland Trip?
Initially : awkward. Not only did I eat a sandwich which was the Judas of sandwiches (treason takes many forms), but my seat was backwards facing the direction of travel, which means that my body decided to render a gastro-intestinal performance of the Exorcist for about 5 hours.
After that, the rides were smoother, as I met Lady Apotheca in Glasgow for the two next train journeys : Glasgow to Perth and Perth to Pitlochry. I nearly screamed ‘OCH!’ when I saw the ticket prices.
But this gentleman greeted us in Pitlochry !
The Ride From Pitlochry To The Enchanted Forest
Our tickets (£21.40 each) included a shuttle bus ride from a local Pitlochry hotel to the Enchanted Forest and back.
This bus ride was no ordinary bus ride.
Upon making ourselves comfortable and readjusting our Paganista hairbands, a voice straight out of Shrek’s swamp made itself heard … to start narrating elf and safety bits about the Forest. I am not going to lie, if either of us had had Botox in their foreheads at the time of the announcement [we don’t – *flicks hair*], this would have been destroyed within the first 10 seconds of us hearing the goddamn voice and raising our eyebrows to Valhalla and beyond.
In hindsight, it was a unique touch, but at the time, I was wondering what the hell was Gizmo doing in a Scottish bus.
The Enchanted Forest
Upon arrival, there is no other way to describe what happened other than the fact that we regressed into teenager mode: OMG! OMG! OMG! So pretty! So cool ! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! *gets phone out to snap everything out of focus*, WOOOOOOW! *selfie in the queue, not even in the actual forest*
Seriously, it was breathtaking. Imagine extremely tall trees and beautiful shades of blue, yellow, pink, warm oranges just illuminating your entire surroundings.
An illuminated path, with peaceful and sometimes downright spacey, sound effects taking you all around this beautiful forest.
Somewhere behind the bushes lurks a shiny volcano …
The lake show was spectacular… Cry me a river, yeah right!
The path was littered with various animations and installations. I absolutely loved the colorful umbrellas pathway … Mary Poppins and Rihanna, please go fix your sh*t.
This was really amazing too – some sort of electrical waterfall – we tried to pose in front of it but the diva wasn’t having it ! *bows down in respect*
…And when we tried to pose next to this beautiful lamp, we got told off by the rudest grinch:
My all time favourite has to be the waterfall bridge : imagine a rainbow-lit bridge with some water peacefully cascading on both sides.
Purple rain … and spider fingers?
We did have a lot of fun fooling around the little lamps perched on sticks – even though we jumped a little when they started emitting some funny sounds which sounded like “piss off” in binary code.
As Thunderella, I felt right at home in this Enchanted Forest.
In fact, I am gutted to be back as I missed a MASSIVE opportunity.
Indeed, all I needed after that time slot was for aaaaaaaaall the other rustics to leave me alone to start my new brand of Metal in the forest: Witch Metal (trademarking as well ha!).
Witch Metal is just like Norwegian Black Metal e.g. it still involves roaming across forests covered in makeup summoning Mephistopheles for a waterproof mascara – but my version includes pink lipstick, banshee screeching and summoning Beelzeboss for more time off work.
Sounds ace, no?
Sadly, all good things come to an end – and big fat blog posts too : if you are reading this, well done and thank you, Internet Hero! (ps: and say hello to Lady Apotheca down below)
Are you enchanted? 🙂
NB: all pics my own and unauthorised for reuse without my explicit permission