… nearly broke my gothic arse! But it is ok, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and kind of makes you walk on water à la Jesus (the area was full of puddles – I was sliding harder than a seal on a buttered slope, very glam!).
Talking about this very optimistic ‘what doesn’t kill you‘ idiom, let’s talk about what made me (and hopefully you) stronger? [spinach not included, I can’t stand it]
Historically (yep I am that old), I have always been a very shy, reserved, introverted person. [This is also what gives me Resting Bitch Face by the way! People confuse my frozen, anxious face for stand offishness, but really, I am a classic introverted chick – so introverted my emotions roll all the way back into my skull].
Due to my upbringing, any form of self-expression was frowned upon, and thus, for the longest time I have always felt more inadequate than a hair on Bruce Willis’ head – because I wasn’t being my true self.
When I moved to the UK (in my early 20’s), I started feeling more free – and I started questioning my inner troubles and blocks. Like an internal game of Question Time -where I am both the lying politician (to myself) and the suspicious member of the public.
And I realised … All my hang ups were actually not mine, but synthesised from other people’s comments and feelings about me… and I was hanging on to them, compromising my own freedom of mind.
How much of your internal repression actually stems from people having put you down, criticized, judged?
Personally, I know it was plenty because I realised that I am actually pretty confident by myself – and that does not mean being obnoxious. Simply, embracing ‘me’ and doing whatever the bloody hell I want, regardless of judgement, gossip etc. .
Once, I started looking away from the ‘What will so and so think’, ‘what will happen if?’, then life began to feel more meaningful, and I felt so much better within myself.
Having a strong sense of self is very underrated and somehow, viciously corrupted in today’s society in my humble opinion.
Why? Because, whilst brands and social media platforms incite you to be ‘unique’ and so on, they still push for this uniqueness to be reliant on the validation of others (thumbs up
your arse and red bloody hearts anyone?).
So much emphasis is put on numbers : numbers of followers, numbers of likes, numbers of comments, numbers of clicks, number of fucks given, macarons eaten in between lunch and dinner …
Um no thanks ! *this is me walking away from the bullshit*
*Me, staring bullshit, naysayers and society in the face*
Hypocrite you say? Oh yes, I do have social media accounts of course! And like everyone else, I have been sucked away in this tornado of relentless plugging, advertising, selling out… but I am tired of it. It has its good sides of course – I met lovely people on Instagram & Facebook for instance.
But there are downsides to it, such as massive ego games and other associated confidence knockers (nothing to do with tits, my British loves).
Ironically, as I said on instadrama :
“Self confidence is the best outfit to wear. Rock it and own it!”
In a nutshell, I have realised that as an empathic introvert, I have let too much of people’s own flow of emotions submerge me. But I have rediscovered my confidence as I have dropped negative people and thoughts from me !
… And I am ready to conquer all demons (even the ones from Tower Bridge)!
Have a think about what brings you down and what gives you confidence !
What brings YOU confidence?
Some bits about the outfit 😉
I got the earrings from Curiology . They are really light and I thought they’d match the pentagram on the dress. Gloves are from … Claire’s! Don’t laugh, there are some cool gems in there between the unicorns on steroids and the ‘BFF’ toilet paper! Headband is from Ebay, you can get them really cheap.
The dress is from Killstar. Absolutely love the fit !