⚡Corporate Goth: My Background⚡
As I am writing this, I am stuck between a desiccated planted pot and a mega caffeinated cup. My potty work friend even has bipolar hair like mine, but she went even more alternative with the green/blonde stripes :
Today’s blog post is a bit random – I have again witnessed some stupid office BS and it has made me think of my own ‘career’ and how I have progressed. I have been working in a various range of offices over the last 12 years and I have never understood the need to slay your colleagues or your personal existence for a business which is not your own, and will not hesitate to wave you Adios when required.
I can honestly say that I have managed to move through the ranks from my early days as a 20 year old fresh off the Channel Tunnel, without the need for backstabbing or climbing a greasy director. I am now an independent contractor making decent money [and spending it all on bling]
How did I do it?
I started working in a call center in Leicester for a measly 13k a year, taking calls from bored Barclays bank employees looking to get more leaflets into their branch to manufacture paperplanes to throw at customers and papercuts to get a month off work. This place was the definition of inbred cesspool – literally entire families where working / shagging / bullying there.
- Lesson Learnt In This Workplace : To strive for better when you feel like you are stuck in a dead end. I had just come out of a prestigious uni and felt like wtf am I doing in a call center? But still I pushed to pay my house bills and my whiskey bills.
- Lesson Learnt in This Workplace : Never write anything dodgy on email – saw someone get escorted off the premises for slagging a colleague on email.
- Lesson Learnt in This Workplace : Women can be dirty as fuck. Toilets were like a World War II fecal bombsite there.
Still in Leicester, I then upgraded to a car rental call center for 16k a year, taking calls from angry Ford Fiesta drivers, expecting to be supplied with a Ferrari when their 15 year old motorised shopping cart broke down.
- Lesson Learnt In This Workplace : People are arseholes, and you must detach your personal identity from the role you play for money. Like a true professional schizophrenic.
- Lesson Learnt in This Workplace : Never ever leave any belongings in the office, for they may be tainted by crazy people. A completely batshit woman who befriended me there told me she used to come early in the morning, snort cocaine , go to the loo and proceed to leave booty finger scents on her MANAGER’s MUG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After being traumatised by the Leicester experience, I then moved down Souff, and applied for an IT support role, which required the ability to speak camembert and tell people diplomatically ‘turn it off and on again’.
After 6 months in the role, myself and my male colleagues got asked to research and test a software. They did not want to do it and dismissed me when I suggested we do it together. I ended up doing it on my own … and my boss recognised untapped abilities as a software consultant through this.
Result? I got promoted to Consultant. *pats self on back*
… And got shouted at by my male colleague on the train back to Croydon (where I used to live) for ‘daring to take the promotion’. He literally screamed in the train ‘How dare you??? You should not have taken this!’ To which I responded : ‘Va te faire foutre Matthieu!!’ ie ‘Matthieu, Go Fuck Yourself!’
- Lesson Learnt In This Workplace : Matthieu is an arsehole
- Lesson Learnt In This Workplace: Colleagues are NOT your friends, and everybody just looks out for themselves
- Lesson Learnt In This Workplace: Ask / Drive your own payrises because they won’t come otherwise
I stayed in this place for a good 5 years, after which my boss went money-mad and started becoming lazy, complacent and delegating things without subsequent pay rises (He deserves a blog post)
So I applied to a Business Analyst role in the same area. From then on, I have basically changed roles on average after 1 year and a half and kept asking for more money each time.
Trust me, no-one will give you that pay rise unless you make your own path to it.
I have so many crazy stories from my workplaces but this post is getting massive, so I am going to stop there and will tell you about the crazy wife of one of my bosses another time…
Hint : she used to sit under her desk, without her shoes, playing on her ipad and squealing gibberish….
Another time I guess 🙂
xx Thunderella xx